Brotherly Love

Ethan and Jackson

"CANNONBALL!!!" Swimming is a family favorite at the Reuter home.  My boys, Ethan and Jackson, would swim daily in our pool if the weather and our family schedule presented them with the opportunity. We have a pool prep routine: suits, sunscreen, toys and rafts in the pool, and then, "SPLASH"! They enter the cool, blue water with such grins on their faces.  Ethan picks up Jackson, and they move around the pool in unison.  They giggle and laugh as they discuss the next toy they will use. I am always impressed by their love for each other and the teamwork they exhibit.  I decide this behavior must come from my brilliant parenting skills.  I start to dream about sharing my methods with Parents magazine, as I am sure that other parents would want the same level of devotion to their children.  

As I continue to watch them interact, I am touched by the sweet conversation and loving interaction, when suddenly…"MOM!!!!!!!!!" I hesitate for a moment to see if this is the boy who cried wolf, like so many other pleas for help, or if this is the real deal.  Ethan tries to calm the screaming beast that is 4-year-old Jackson, but to no avail. He swims away, like any frustrated 11-year-old might do, trying to avoid the kicks, slaps, and pinches from Jackson's flailing limbs. Ethan looks at me as if to assure that I knew this was not his fault. This move by Ethan anger the beast more and throws him into full tantrum mode. "MOM!!!! Ethan is mean!" howls Jackson. What follows are yelps and wails of pain and anger which are heard throughout our neighborhood.

As my dreams of the feature in Parents magazine slip away, I put on my mom hat and decide how I will intervene.  I pause and think, what if I don't? As I contemplate my next move, I can't help but think back to my childhood experiences with my brother. What did my mom (who was also a teacher) do when it seemed like my brother and I were on the path to the point of no return?

This thought took me back to Three Lakes, WI where I spent almost every childhood summer at our cabin.  Looking back, I realize how lucky we were to have a special place to visit as a family that allowed my brother, Jayson, and me to fish, ride bikes, explore and swim in beautiful Big Stone Lake. The first thing Jayson and I would do after we helped my parents unpack was head to the lake. We would start at the top of the stairs, run the length of the pier, and with an excited screech, we would dive into the water.  The time of year and temperature rarely mattered since we just wanted to swim. We would spend hours in the lake.  A few favorite activities included diving contests, searching for smooth, colorful rocks to add to our collection, and finding clams and catching crayfish using old pots and pans. As you can imagine, all of these activities required communication and teamwork.  We proudly counted our rocks, clams, and crayfish, always wanting to find more.  We knew if we combined our treasures from the lake, we would exceed last year's totals.  Whenever I see a smooth rock ready for skipping, or a crayfish moving its way through shallow lake water, I can't help but smile and remember those happy times with Jayson.

Unfortunately, not all interactions in the lake were filled with love and compassion.  I have plenty of memories of fearing for my life while in the water.  My brother, who is two years older, liked the fact that he was bigger and stronger than me. He was better at diving off the pier and reminded me of this fact every chance he got.  He also thought it was hilarious when he jumped off the pier and tried to land on me.  If he were really in the mood, he would only push me down and hold me underwater until I couldn't breathe.  Not cool. Finally, his preferred means of torture was to push me off the end of the pier before I was ready to enter the chilly water. When these events happened, I would look to my mom for help. I, like Jackson, would scream "MOM!!!!!"  What I remember is she rarely intervened, but when she did, look out.  It meant she had enough of our petty conflicts, which usually meant we needed to get out of the lake, sit on the pier, or head up to the cabin.  Over time I discovered I needed to weigh my options before screaming.  I learned to defend myself and fight back, or simply swim away like Ethan did.  There is nothing bully bros hate more than victims who are brave enough to stand up for themselves.  Each summer was a new opportunity to grow and reflect, and also develop bravery, strength, and resilience.

More splashing and screaming returned my focus to the escalating situation in the Reuter pool.  I get up from my comfortable perch in the lounge chair and move closer to the pool.  My primary concern is always the safety of my swimmers, so I assess Jackson's "real" level of need.  I observe that he is safe on his noodle and all of his screams stem from his want of attention from his older brother.  By this point, it seems that Ethan has realized the same thing. Ethan lets out a "sigh", and then swims back towards Jackson.  "Jackson, will you be nice to me if I come back and play with you?" questioned Ethan.

"Ok….." whispers Jackson.

Ethan asks, "What do you need to say, Jackson?"  

Jackson hesitates and says nothing while looking down at the water moving past his red face.  Ethan patiently asks again, "What do you need to say, Jackson, if you want me to play with you?"Jackson finally looks up at Ethan.  The anger has drained from his face, and there is a look of remorse.

Jackson finally looks into Ethan's eyes; slowly and quietly whispering, "Soooorrrry, Ethan." Ethan assures Jackson that he is forgiven, and asks Jackson for a hug.  Jackson throws his little arms around Ethan's neck and holds him tight.  Ethan begins to carry him around the pool again, and within a few seconds, I hear giggles coming from Jackson.  Ethan and I look at each other and start to laugh as well.  I return to my perch on the lounge chair and hope that this calm will last for at least a little while.  

As I reflect on this day, as well as my time spent with my brother, I realize how important a sibling can be to a child and an adult.  Not only do you hopefully have a life-long friend who lives in your home, but you also have someone to share your success, failure and family crisis.  Do siblings always celebrate these achievements and treat failures with care? Not always, but we can learn from how siblings treat each other. Siblings, on their best day, can exhibit love, compassion, teamwork, and communication.  Siblings prepare you for school, work, and life situations in the future.  On their worst days, they are mean and hurtful to each other. Siblings teach us other essential skills needed for school, work, and life.  These are patience, strength, reflection, and the importance of crucial conversations to repair relationships.

My husband, who is an only child, reminds my boys and me how lucky we are to have a sibling to share these moments, at both times of pure joy and unresolved conflict. My hope for you is that you have a sibling to share your life.  If not, find someone who loves and challenges you as much as a sibling would.  You will be better for having someone in your life that can be both your teammate and opponent based on the situation. I leave you with a quote about siblings that touches my heart,  "The greatest gift my parents ever gave us was each other." So true.

Jayson and Julie

Mom, Jayson and Julie    

My boys and I

Growth Mindset, Motivation and Digital Writing

My passion for growth mindset teaching and learning began a few years ago when I read Dr. Carol Dweck's book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.  One of my biggest struggles as a Writer's Workshop teacher is watching my learners who don't like to write.  No matter what I tried, there were always one or
two students who were not motivated to engage fully in the workshop process with the rest of the class.  If I did not have 100% participation, I felt like I had failed. I discovered that my struggling learners may very well have a fixed mindset about writing.  Until they believe and understand they are in a safe environment where mistakes are encouraged, and with hard work and perseverance they can succeed, they can't change from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset about writing.

Last year, I decided to make it my mission to integrate growth mindset teaching into my Writer's Workshop class.  Fortunately, I discovered Mindsets in the Classroom by Mary Cay Ricci early in my journey. Ricci's book was an excellent resource as I began introducing my students to the idea of growth vs fixed mindsets and perseverance. We start each year with personal narratives, so I shared my own story of perseverance and the fear I had of cycling with my family that summer. They had so many questions about my experience. They returned to their notebooks and wrote their own stories of perseverance and couldn't wait to share.

Another way we kicked off our year as growth mindset writers was to decide how we would be "Brave as a Writer this Year in Writer's Workshop?"  We listened to the song Brave by Sarah Bareilles first to get the students excited about the concept. The words to the song have a very powerful message (See my previous post). Each student posted their goal to our Padlet as a reminder and we revisited them often.

One of my favorite, quick, and what I believe to be the most effective growth mindset strategies I used last year, was what I called my "daily dose of growth mindset".  Each day I started workshop with a quote or image on the screen for students as they walked in the room.  It became the topic of conversation each day and the transition to our mini lesson. I especially like the one above for many reasons... but most importantly I can proudly say J.J. Watt attended the Pewaukee School District. This is an example of hard work and perseverance at its best, but in the words of J.J., "rent is due every day".  It motivated us to get to work, and for those who weren't totally motivated, it was hard to argue with J.J. Watt on the board.  I noticed students would push themselves, and each other, a little bit harder than I had seen in past years. I also noticed students using the mindset language in pair shares.  Students would also share and email me quotes or images they found on their own and asked if I would share them with the class. Priceless.  

Mentor texts with a growth mindset message was also a wonderful way to inspire my writers and I could teach my mini lesson in the process.  JoEllen McCarthy has put together a great set of mentor texts to help teachers start their own classroom library. I have used over half of these already in my classroom and my students love them.  Peter and Paul Reynolds Going Places will always be a top pick.  Another must have text in a growth mindset classroom is The Fantastic Elastic Brain by JoAnn Deak, PhD.  It is important for our students to have an understanding of their own brain and how it works.  My writers and I read The Fantastic Elastic Brain together and reflected on how their own brains can stretch and grow. 

Reflecting on growth, celebrating success, and learning from our mistakes was all part of our process this past year in Writer's Workshop.  I had students set growth goals for our Fall conferences and present them to parents.  For our Spring conferences, students created digital portfolios which were completely student-led conferences. When students and I would meet for a conference during workshop, we would end each conference by setting a growth goal for our next meeting. I would make note of it in my Confer app and the student would keep the slip. When we met again, we would check the goal and celebrate the perseverance, or discuss what we needed to work on in order to meet the goal for next time. This strategy worked well because students had the sheet in their binders as an accountability tool and something to work towards.  I also made sure it was an achievable goal that could be measured the next time we met.  Other goals we set were mid-unit growth goals.  These became crucial for me to get a pulse of where my writers were truly at as we moved through our units of study.  It was powerful to watch the improvement in the posts as the year went on.  My students were not only becoming better writers, literary essayists, and journalists, they were able to communicate and reflect their own growth and learning the more time we spent together as a group.  This was true for the celebrations at the end of the units too.   Research-Based Celebration and Reflection   Theme-Based Celebration and Reflection

The group communication, collaboration and support was key to our growth mindset success. Each year in Writer's Workshop I have my students create their own personal learning networks. Their personal learning networks might be students in the class, teachers and parents.  PLN's can be anyone who will support them in their learning journey. My blog on Student PLNs  will share my resources and rationale for this powerful process at all grade levels. The reason why this is crucial for growth mindset is because students need to know they have a support system in place to help them persevere. They also need a group of "like learners" in their PLN who will challenge them.  When you create PLNs, you need to remind students to pick people who will push them and tell them the truth about their work and take the time to help them be better. I will never forget when I was at Teacher's College and Colleen Cruz, author of The Unstoppable Writing Teacher, told me to be "sharp" in one-on-one conferences. She was right. Our students need our honesty about their writing if they are going to improve. Start with a compliment, but then we need to be sharp and teach.

These are just a few of the mindset activities I used with my students last year.  You will find these and many more on my website. I will continue to share as I try new ideas with my students this year.  Mary Cay Ricci also came out with a book of Ready-to-Use Resources for Mindsets in the Classroom, which I highly recommend.

Thankful

Teaching is a unique profession that those not in education often do not fully understand. People ask me all the time, "Why are you a teacher?" Each day I have a different answer to that question based on an experience from the day. I am a teacher and I am thankful.  Maddie, a former student, wrote a beautiful essay about me and I earned the honor of B93.3's Teacher of the Month Award. This month was filled with compliments, stories and memories about the award, my students, and my profession. I always teach my students the importance of reflecting on struggle, growth and celebrating success. I have had more than my share that led me to this point of overwhelming gratitude. I am especially thankful for my students, my family, and my professional growth.

I am incredibly thankful for my students over my twenty years of teaching.  The relationships I have built with them will be remembered for a lifetime. I treasure all the notes, visits, and updates from my former and current students. I have discovered that being a Language Arts teacher is a special gift because you are able to learn more about students through their writing, blogging and one on one conferences. My 6th grade students have always mentored younger students with writing and technology.  When I moved to Pewaukee School District, a few of my former Merton students who were experienced bloggers mentored my new 6th grade students and continue to comment on our blogs.  They are dedicated writers and mentors, and wanted to share their experience with younger students because they knew they could teach their skills to others.  I am so proud of them.  They were willing to do this for students they didn't even know at a different school.

I have also discovered that my students are the ones who help me stay the course when my life seems upside down personally or professionally.  My classroom is always a place I feel at home and accepted.  I hope my students feel that way too.  It was a hard decision for me to leave Merton after 19 years, and I wasn't sure how my students would take the news.  They understood and respected my decision and said all the right things. Students seem to find the solutions to problems that adults find complicated.  I love that about them. They take risks, innovate, collaborate, talk, smile, laugh, cry, create, fail, try again, write, all with me throughout the day.  Why am I a teacher? I am a teacher because of my students and I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with them.

Teaching is a profession that takes an enormous amount of time and dedication. You need a family that supports and understands your level of commitment to your career, but also find a balance between work and home.  I am so thankful for my husband, Chris,  who is my biggest supporter and holds our family together. He does this along with his professional role of Middle School Principal.  We have two amazing boys, 9 and 2, so our schedules are crazy.  I am grateful that he values my role as a teacher just as much as his role as a principal. We are equals, personally and professionally. The time he spends with our boys allows me to work on my professional passions. Chris is not only a great leader at work, but also at home.  I am so thankful our boys have a role model like him.

I am thankful to be selected Teacher of the Month in November for personal reasons as well as professional. 10 years ago, my mom passed away in November. She was also a teacher who made a difference in the lives of many middle school students in West Bend, WI.  Her birthday was also in November. Being raised by two dedicated educators, and now following that tradition with my own family, I am filled with pride. Why am I a teacher? I am a teacher because I have a family that supports me and has taught me the importance of education. I will always be a lifelong learner, and I hope that our boys will value education as much as my husband and I do.

Professional growth and change is something I always considered a necessity in education.  Not everyone agrees with me, but when we consider the fact that our world is ever changing, we need to look at our practices as educators and realize that professional growth and change should be ongoing.  This year I am thankful for the Pewaukee School District because they believe in professional growth and change. I have found a wonderful home at Horizon Elementary School.  My new leaders, Pete Gull and Jodi Swanson, start our staff meetings with "appreciations" for each other.  I leave our meetings with all I need to know about standards-based grading and SLO's, but I also feel thankful knowing more about my colleagues and all the great things they are doing.  I miss all my teacher friends I left after 19 years at Merton, but was welcomed by new friends at Horizon. Change is scary because it seems unknown, but if you are in a position where you are no longer growing, it's time to move on.  I am so thankful I did.  Teaching is the ultimate opportunity for professional growth and an opportunity to follow your passions.  Why am I a teacher?  I am a teacher because I believe in the power of learning and growth.

As teachers, we all have days and lessons that don't go well.  We have students who don't like us. We have parents who disagree with a decision we made. I admit that I am one of those teachers who take those criticisms to heart. I wish I could "Shake It Off" like Taylor Swift advises me to do in such a wonderful sing song way, but instead I obsess over it. I want to be the best teacher I can, and any criticism is hard to hear. That is why I wanted to write this today.  To remind myself how lucky I was to be recognized by Maddie in November of 2014, along with all the other letters, cards and emails I have received over the years.  As educators we should be thankful to everyone who supports us, celebrate, remember all our hard work, and do our best to shake off the occasional criticism.